Another week passed by. Time for another post 😉
I start enjoying this blogging stuff more you know? I even think to increase my post frequency to let’s say twice a week? But no, not yet. Let’s not put more commitment to this excitement just yet and turn it into a burden, then make it less exciting.
It might sounds kinda lame huh? I mean it’s only two posts a week and It’s not like I’m so busy or anything.
Hahaha, please be patient with me, okay? I’m in a process to be so myself. Forgive more, blaming less. Still do the best but stop pushing too hard or trying too much to be perfect. Just. Love. Myself. More.
You should try it too. Love your self more. It does feel good.
You know how love, support, and respect will encourage people better than some harsh critics, ignorance, and insult right? It definitely feels good to get the first three than the last from other people. The more important that people is for us, the bigger impact it produces.
Well, it’s also works the same when it comes from ourselves. And don’t you think that how we treat ourselves is the one who give the greatest impact? No matter how good other people say about us, as long as we still perceive ourselves negatively, it won’t be able to come through, vice versa.
I’ve been writing a journal since I was in college. I was about 18 years old at that time. When I read that journal again, I can see how much I was demanding myself to be this ideal self, without really knowing how, than blaming myself a lot because I can’t be it. I felt like such a failure. I saw myself mostly like a looser. No matter how many good achievement I might have accomplished, no matter how many good things people said about me. I still feel bad about myself most of the time. Deep inside.
I feel sorry about my 18 years old self. She was living with this feeling as a lame-good-for-nothing girl, in such a young age, while she hasn’t really start her life yet.
It’s not easy. It’s hard to stop being too hard of myself since I’ve been doing it almost all my life. Especially because I feel that I’ve been spoiled myself too much, being too lazy and laid back, and that’s why I deserve to be a looser. I’m afraid that with this reason of loving myself more, I indulge myself too much, letting me wasting my time, doing stupid things and letting myself get away with it.
Then I realized that this attitude is part of being hard of myself. I’ve been criticizing, insulting and being disrespectful of myself. I judge myself before anyone else does. Then at some point, I start ignoring myself, letting myself do whatever I want, being lazy and all that because that’s just what I think I am, that’s just how far I think I can go, I failed because I tend to fail things up. I believed in what I’m telling myself about how bad I am then acted accordingly. I proved all the negative things I think about myself with my actions. It’s not love at all from the way i see it 😉
Loving yourself means you know when to be serious and when to be relax. It means to listen to yourself more, get to know and understand yourself better, to respect yourself, to give a loving support whenever you fail or everything starts feeling too hard, to be patient about yourself, to forgive, to give yourself a chance, to believe in yourself, to be yourself.
So I start to love myself more now. Giving me more support and respect. Be more patient about my mistakes, and be wiser in handling them, so I can learn from them instead of let them make me stuck.
It still not easy. I still being mean to myself from time to time, but I slowly forgiving myself, starting new, giving myself more love that she deserves. And who knows, in no time, I would be able to blog twice a week. No burden, only love